Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Worst job in the world

Following the Presidential election last fall, The Onion (a satirical website) published the headline: Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job That may have been true last fall but I think I can top the worst job thing today.

We recently realized that we had a rat in our house and I promptly put out traps and poison to catch it.  Julia prefers that I use traps because we know where we put them and can check them and remove the caught rat before it begins to decompose.  The problem with traps is that our rats are smarter than us.  They just view the traps as a free buffet.  (BTW did you know that buffet is an acronym for big ugly fat folks eating together?) Rat poison works differently.  Theoretically, they eat the poison which results in an abnormal thirst, they leave the house in search of water and the poison kills them in some place far from your home.  That's the theory.  In reality, the poison enables them to find a hereto for unknown and incredibly obscure place to die and then they stink-up your house before you can locate and remove them.
I have a pretty strong stomach.  I can clean up a poopy diaper or a kid covered in vomit without batting an eye.  The smell of a dead rat, however, is another thing.  When I first went upstairs where Julia told me that she had smelled the dead vermin, I immediately became nauseous and decided to wait to tackle this job when I had reinforcements.  I told her that if she would help me locate the critter, I would take care of disposing of the remains but the thought of spending a long time searching through the entire second floor of the house by myself to find it was pretty daunting. Together we narrowed the search to an attic space off of one of the bedrooms and began to empty the items that we had stored there until we hit the jackpot.  I removed the rat to the yard but decided to walk around outside and breathe in some fresh air before returning to finish the job and make sure that this rat was working solo.  It was hard to believe that just one rat could generate that much stink!  Walking around the yard, far from the sight or odor of this rat, I began to replay the scene in my head and then it happened ... I threw-up! 

I learned 2 things today:
  1. That even though I can tough it out and do something I detest, just thinking about it later can make me throw-up. 
  2. When you throw-up after eating a PB&J, your vomit smells like peanut butter.
Take that Barack Obama! I had a worse job than you today!

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