Afraid to pray BIG

I'm afraid to pray BIG.  There  . . . I've said it.  I'm showing my hand. That hasn't always been the case but it seems that's where I am right now. 

When our friend, Linda Jones, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few years ago, she invited some of her friends to come to her house and lay hands on her and pray for her.   Linda was not afraid of cancer, even a type of cancer that is almost always terminal.  Linda was not afraid to pray BIG.  I wish I could say the same.  Even though I prayed aloud for her complete healing, what I was praying deep in my soul was, "God, let her passing be painless.  Let her die with dignity and peace.  Welcome her into Your presence in a new and completely healed body."  Why is it that I didn't trust God to heal her from the cancer?  It's not that I didn't believe that God could do it, I was afraid that He wouldn't do it. I didn't want to be disappointed so I didn't ask, as though I was saving God from having to explain Himself to me if Linda died.  What was I thinking?  Linda did die and God didn't have to explain Himself to me or anyone else in this matter. 


I wonder how much I miss out on in life because I fear that God will say, "No" to my prayer?  "You don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it" (James 4:2b NLT) said James, the brother of Jesus, to the first century Christians (and to you and me.)  If I can trust God in what I consider the small things, why is that I don't think I can trust Him in what I would consider the big things?  Is saving someone from pancreatic cancer any bigger a task for the God who created the universe, who raised Lazarus from the dead, who parted the Red Sea, than protecting me in a thunderstorm?  The truth is that one is the same as the other for Him.  Intellectually, I know that, but I still struggle to live and pray like I know that.

Are you ever afraid to pray BIG?