Tuesday, February 8, 2011

How NOT to find a job when you're looking for one

I've gotten pretty good at NOT finding a job since we closed Crossroads Books and Gifts in August of '09.  OK, it's true that I have worked as a freelance writer since that time but too much of my work has been closely associated with the word free to count as a real career.  I've written for and been published in several publications that do pay for submissions but too many that don't.  Whether paid or not, I enjoy the experience every time but only the paid ones actually account for a deposit into my bank account and help pay the bills.  I decided that since I've become very successful at NOT finding a steady job, I should share my secrets with others who might be looking for the same outcome.

10 tips for how NOT to find a job:
  1. Rely exclusively on the Internet for all of your job leads.  
  2. Go back to the same job websites each time you look. Never look for new sources of leads. If the websites you found the first time were good enough for that day, they must surely be good enough for today.
  3. Assume that all of the jobs listed are the same ones that you saw yesterday so that you won't recognize anything new that actually pops up.
  4. Assume that the listed job qualifications are carved in stone.  If your work history or training fails to match-up in any way, do not apply. 
  5. Assume that people who are looking for someone with your exact skill set and experience will contact you when the right job comes along.
  6. Never apply for a job in person.
  7. Take this time of high unemployment to look for the ideal job.  Of course, those ideal jobs are the ones that are most likely to be available in a down economy.
  8. Convince yourself that you are carrying your weight by taking care of all those jobs around the house that you had been putting off (even if you are still putting them off and they are still undone.)
  9. Don't tell others that you are looking for a job.  It will only make you look like a failure.
  10. Believe that there are no good jobs out there so there's no legitimate reason to look seriously.
Maybe I have not practiced all of these tips (or maybe I have?)  but if, like me, you haven't come up with a great job after looking for a while, it may be time to take a look at what you're doing.  I'm reminded of the old definition of stupidity:  doing the same thing and expecting a different result. 

Do you have any tips for failure in finding a job that you want to add to the list?

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